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Simon满分小作文详解2【雅思考官Simon满分作文传送门系列】

Simon是英国曼彻斯特的前雅思考官,由于创办雅思考试学习网站而在全世界的考生中越来越有名气。其网站上提供大量关于复习雅思的技巧以及颠覆性的建议,甚至还有不少Simon本人亲笔写的满分作文。这些满分作文由于出自英国考官之手,非常地道,言简意赅,和中国考生惯用的千篇一律的模板作文相比,着实让人眼前一亮。小站的Phoebe老师深感有义务要让孩子们接触到真正可以提分的好作文,所以以后会频繁地帮大家整理并总结这些满分作文的精华,相信大家都可以扔掉模板,写出高分作文!

今天要帮大家分析一篇流程图。在写作之前,先请大家记住流程图具有的五个特点:

一,介绍过程要使用一般现在时;

二,大量使用定语从句,将有关联的两句话连接;

三,大量使用被动语态;

四,使用一些表示顺序的连接词;

五,要适当地添加个别图中没有交代但能从图片中直接读出来的的一些内容,否则可能达不到字数要求。但是一定要把握尺度,千万不要加上自己的主观观点,否则会扣分。

然后我们来看一下这道题目:

这道题目是让考生描述玻璃容器的生产和回收过程,属于流程图三种题型之“production process”,除此之外还有两种典型的流程图,分别为“Natural process diagram”和“ Map showing a process”,我们以后会讲到。Simon说,这三种类型的流程图所用到的技巧基本相似,但最好还是要分别练习。

Simon紧接着推荐了一个网站http://www.eurima.org/about-mineral-wool/production-process,里面有很多真正的对于生产流程的描述,比如大家看一下他摘抄出来的这段,看起来非常像真雅思作文!

For glass wool, the raw materials are sand, limestone and soda ash, as well as recycled off-cuts from the production process. The raw materials are melted in a furnace at very high temperatures, typically between 1,300�C to 1,500�C. The smoke created during this process is filtered and flue gases are cleaned to minimise any environmental impact. The droplets of melt exiting the furnace are spun into fibres. Small quantities of binding agents are added to the fibres. The mineral wool is then hardened in a curing oven at around 200�C. The mineral wool is cut to the required size and shape.

果然,整个段落都使用一般现在时进行描述,里面有大量的被动语态。作为练习,Simon建议大家试着加上表示顺序的连接词,并且改写出定语从句,将其变成非常美观的雅思作文。

Phoebe老师来帮大家贴出范文啦:

The diagrams illustrate the processes of how to produce and recyle glass containers. It is clear from the diagrams that there are three stages in the process of making glass containers. Meanwhile, four steps are required to recycle glass.

At the first stage of producing glass containers, sand is mixed with soda ash, limestone and other chemicals. This mixture is then brought and is melt in glass furnace where it is heated in high temperature which is approximately 1500˚C . The process continues with shaping the molten glass blowing, and then glass containers are produced at the final stage.

The first step of recycling glass is collecting the used glass. This collection is then sorted by colour before washing to remove impurities. The next steps of the cycling process, the sorted materials are crushed and melted. At the final step, these materials come to the moulding stage where they become final new products.

(159words, band 9)

最后Phoebe老师帮大家总结一下词汇:

Illustrate, approximately这种单词老生常谈了,大家一定要背下来。

First, then, final是最常见的描述顺序的连接词,一定要用。

Be sorted by colour这个词组在剑桥雅思真题的流程图里被用到的概率极高,听力中也很常见,大家一定要记住这种表达。

Moulding,名词mould,模具,模子,极高频,须掌握。

Stage和Step,表达步骤的两种表达,能看出作者追求词汇多元化,避免重复使用。

今天就先到这儿,希望今天Phoebe老师分析的这篇雅思流程图能给大家很多帮助,下期见!需要更多写作技巧的点击这里

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