网站导航     在线客服  
全部
   首页    雅思
学生选择在小站备考:30天 492382名,今日申请8932人    备考咨询 >>

Simon满分大作文详解2【雅思考官Simon满分作文传送门系列】

Simon是英国曼彻斯特的前雅思考官,由于创办雅思考试学习网站而在全世界的考生中越来越有名气。其网站上提供大量关于复习雅思的技巧以及颠覆性的建议,甚至还有不少Simon本人亲笔写的满分作文。这些满分作文由于出自英国考官之手,非常地道,言简意赅,和中国考生惯用的千篇一律的模板作文相比,着实让人眼前一亮。小站的Phoebe老师深感有义务要让孩子们接触到真正可以提分的好作文,所以以后会频繁地帮大家整理并总结这些满分作文的精华,相信大家都可以扔掉模板,写出高分作文!

今天我们来分析一篇在观点上partly agree的大作文。以一篇大家经常会遇到的有关Traditional Views的作文为例,题目如下:

The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

看到这种问agree还是disagree的题目,大家先不要急于写作,Simon建议大家先来回答以下三个问题并做些笔记:

1. What arguments and examples could you use to agree?

2. What arguments and examples could be used to disagree?

3. Which answer would you find easier: agree, disagree or partly agree?

Plan Your Idea

当同意和不同意都有一样多的论据可以陈述时,那我们在第一段Introduction段落中,就要表明自己对该问题partly agree。然后就要进行Plan Your Idea,即把每段要写的内容列成大概题纲。可能有同学会觉得这样会浪费时间,但Simon认为,如果你不plan your idea的话,很可能写到一半就不知道该写什么好,甚至会写跑题。接下来看一下对于这篇文章Simon是如何plan his idea的:

4-paragraph plan:

1. Introduce the topic of 'traditional ideas and modern life', then partly agree: some ideas are outdated, but others are still helpful

2. Paragraph about ideas which are not so helpful nowadays:

Work - having a career for life is no longer normal

Relationships - 'rules' about who and when to marry are changing

Gender roles - traditional fixed roles of men and women have changed

3. Paragraph about traditional ideas which we shouldn't forget:

Work - work hard, do your best, take pride in your work

Behaviour - politeness, good manners, respect for others

Community - help others, be a good neighbour, look after local area

4. Conclusion: repeat / summarise the answer

Structure有多重要?

首先大家可能已经发现,Simon写的大作文基本都是四个段落,小站老师在整理Simon给学生留学做回复时发现这样的问答:

"Hi Simon. I used your 4-paragraph structure with short introduction and conclusion, but I only got band 6.5. I need a band 7, so should I try a different structure?"

Simon:Can you see what is wrong with this question? The student is assuming that essay structure is the secret to a high score. But remember: even a great essay structure is nothing without good content (ideas, vocabulary, correct grammar). If you're stuck on band 6 or 6.5, you probably need to improve the content, not the structure.

小站老师认为Simon说得非常对,作文的结构只是骨骼,其内容才是肉肉,观点、词汇、正确的语法方能让作文美观饱满。

Introduction段落的写法

然后,我们看一下对于partly agree的作文Simon是如何写Introduction段落的:

It is true that many older people believe in traditional values that often seem incompatible with the needs of younger people. While I agree that some traditional ideas are outdated, I believe that others are still useful and should not be forgotten.

Simon用了It is true that…. While I agree…, I believe that…句型来分别陈述两边观点,这个句型非常灵活好用,建议大家立刻记在小本本上。

主体段落的写法

再来看Simon是如何写一个主体段落的:

In my opinion, some traditional views and values are certainly applicable to the modern world. For example, older generations attached great importance to working hard, doing one’s best, and taking pride in one’s work, and these behaviours can surely benefit young people as they enter today’s competitive job market. Other characteristics that are perhaps seen as traditional are politeness and good manners. In our globalised world, young adults can expect to come into contact with people from a huge variety of backgrounds, and it is more important than ever to treat others with respect. Finally, I believe that young people would lead happier lives if they had a more ‘old-fashioned’ sense of community and neighbourliness.

主体段落依然是五句话(topic sentence and 3 points),将上面ideas里面的核心词汇有逻辑地串连起来。

接下来Pheobe老师帮大家贴出完整的范文:

It is true that many older people believe in traditional values that often seem incompatible with the needs of younger people. While I agree that some traditional ideas are outdated, I believe that others are still useful and should not be forgotten.

On the one hand, many of the ideas that elderly people have about life are becoming less relevant for younger people. In the past, for example, people were advised to learn a profession and find a secure job for life, but today’s workers expect much more variety and diversity from their careers. At the same time, the ‘rules’ around relationships are being eroded as young adults make their own choices about who and when to marry. But perhaps the greatest disparity between the generations can be seen in their attitudes towards gender roles. The traditional roles of men and women, as breadwinners and housewives, are no longer accepted as necessary or appropriate by most younger people.

On the other hand, some traditional views and values are certainly applicable to the modern world. For example, older generations attach great importance to working hard, doing one’s best, and taking pride in one’s work, and these behaviours can surely benefit young people as they enter today’s competitive job market. Other characteristics that are perhaps seen as traditional are politeness and good manners. In our globalised world, young adults can expect to come into contact with people from a huge variety of backgrounds, and it is more important than ever to treat others with respect. Finally, I believe that young people would lead happier lives if they had a more ‘old-fashioned’ sense of community and neighbourliness.

In conclusion, although the views of older people may sometimes seem unhelpful in today’s world, we should not dismiss all traditional ideas as irrelevant.

(299 words, band 9)

Last but not the least,来帮大家总结分析范文中的词汇,供大家参考背诵。

incompatible:中文意为不和谐,容易让学生以为这个词只能用来形容社会,而英文释意two actions, ideas, etc. that areincompatible are not acceptable or possible together because of basic differences,所以建议大家背单词时多看英文释意,有助于准确运用词汇。

relevant:一对反义词,即可表示和...紧密相关,也可以表示有重要价值或意义。反义irrelevant

profession:我们背过很多表示专业的单词,如major,subject,当表达学习一个专业本领去找工作时用profession

disparity:差异,不同,比difference高级多了

globalised world:常用基本表达,需背熟

sense of:表达抽象意义的感觉,如sense of direction方向感,sense of satisfaction满足感

dismiss:大家最熟悉的意思是“解雇”,记住这个短语dismiss...as,英文释意to decide that sb/sth is not important and not worth thinking or talking about

今天就到这里,大家下期见!需要更多写作技巧的点击这里

相关文章

【雅思考官Simon满分作文传送门系列】Simon满分大作文详解1

【雅思考官Simon满分作文传送门系列】Simon满分小作文详解1

【雅思考官Simon满分作文传送门系列】Simon满分小作文详解2

【雅思考官Simon满分作文传送门系列】Simon满分大作文详解3

【雅思考官Simon满分作文传送门系列】Simon满分小作文详解3

【雅思考官Simon满分作文传送门系列】Simon满分小作文详解4

Simon满分大作文详解16【雅思考官Simon满分作文传送门系列】
Simon满分小作文详解16【雅思考官Simon满分作文传送门系列】
Simon满分大作文详解15【雅思考官Simon满分作文传送门系列】
Simon满分小作文详解15【雅思考官Simon满分作文传送门系列】