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Simon满分小作文详解3【雅思考官Simon满分作文传送门系列】

Simon是英国曼彻斯特的前雅思考官,由于创办雅思考试学习网站而在全世界的考生中越来越有名气。其网站上提供大量关于复习雅思的技巧以及颠覆性的建议,甚至还有不少Simon本人亲笔写的满分作文。这些满分作文由于出自英国考官之手,非常地道,言简意赅,和中国考生惯用的千篇一律的模板作文相比,着实让人眼前一亮。小站的Phoebe老师深感有义务要让孩子们接触到真正可以提分的好作文,所以以后会频繁地帮大家整理并总结这些满分作文的精华,相信大家都可以扔掉模板,写出高分作文!

今天要分析一篇小作文——Bar Chart,来看一下题目:

The bar graph shows the global sales (in billions of dollars) of different types of digital games between 2000 and 2006.

首先来构思一下段落结构。Simon是这样说的,For the task 1 report, I aim for 9 sentences.他认为小作文应该写9句,具体结构如下:

· Introduction: 1 sentence

· Overview (summary): 2 sentences

· First 'details' paragraph: 3 sentences

· Second 'details' paragraph: 3 sentences

写作风格一向简洁直接的Simon认为,Introduction段落一句话足够介绍图表大意。Overview段落用两句话作进一步Summary。第三段和第四段作为DetailsParagraph每段都应该写三句。小站老师要提醒大家的是,Simon同时还说,“Remember that this is just my approach, and it's what I tell my students to aim for (some reports might contain 8, 10 or 11 sentences, which is fine). ”所以大家也不需要拘泥于9句,只要内容需要,上下浮动几句都是没问题的。

按照Simon的结构,说回这道题目,大家现在要思考三件事:

- how you would paraphrase the question for your introduction如何在Introduction段复述问题

- what two things to include in your overview paragraph如何在Overview段总结两点信息

- how to separate your description of details into two paragraphs如何将图中的细节写入两个段落

首先来看看Simon是如何对问题进行复述的:

The bar chart compares the turnover in dollars from sales of video games for four different platforms, namely mobile phones, online, consoles and handheld devices, from 2000 to 2006.

大家可以看以看出,在复述的时候,Simon对于题目中的different types of digital games进行了具体描述“namely mobile phones, online, consoles and handheld devices”,shows替换成了compares。这里小站老师要跟大家说一个Simon的一个颠覆性的建议,他认为,虽然我们在字典里能找到将近10个show的同意词,但是并不是用到less common的词汇的分数就会越高,有很多单词对于一个native speaker来说,show的很多同义词用来表示图表“显示”的时候很奇怪,比如"the graph exhibits",而且你记太多同义词经常不知道用哪个而浪费了时间,所以Simon建议大家只需记住两个show的同义词“Illustrate”和“Compare”

然后我们来看一下Simon写的Overview段落:

It is clear that sales of games for three out of the four platforms rose each year, leading to a significant rise in total global turnover over the 7-year period. Sales figures for handheld games were at least twice as high as those for any other platform in almost every year.

这里小站老师想着重通过figure这个单词再来告诉大家Simon的一个颠覆性的建议。之前看到有学生问Simon是否可以用rate来替换figure。他的回答是“In many cases, no you can't”,理由是这样的:I like the phrase "the figure for" because it can be used instead of "the number of" e.g. "the number of people who live in cities" could be "the figure for people who live in cities". But I wouldn't write "the rate of people who live in cities". You have to be careful with the word "rate" - look it up on Google to find common uses e.g. unemployment rate, birth rate, crime rate,rate of change. Here's my tip: if you're not sure, don't use it. 说到表达数据的词,然后又有学生问了,那我能不能用"the data of" instead of "the number of"?Simon回答:No. I would only use "data" instead of the word "information" e.g. "the chart gives/shows information about..." could be "the chart gives/shows data about...".所以,小站老师提醒大家,不要觉得单词汉意相同就可以做同义替换,一定要弄清每个单词的常见用法。

以下是完整范文:

The bar chart compares the turnover in dollars from sales of video games for four different platforms, namely mobile phones, online, consoles and handheld devices, from 2000 to 2006.

It is clear that sales of games for three out of the four platforms rose each year, leading to a significant rise in total global turnover over the 7-year period. Sales figures for handheld games were at least twice as high as those for any other platform in almost every year.

In 2000, worldwide sales of handheld games stood at around $11 billion, while console games earned just under $6 billion. No figures are given for mobile or online games in that year. Over the next 3 years, sales of handheld video games rose by about $4 billion, but the figure for consoles decreased by $2 billion. Mobile phone and online games started to become popular, with sales reaching around $3 billion in 2003.

In 2006, sales of handheld, online and mobile games reached peaks of 17, 9 and 7 billion dollars respectively. By contrast, turnover from console games dropped to its lowest point, at around $2.5 billion.

(153 words, band 9)

今天先帮大家总结到这儿,下期见!需要更多写作技巧的点击这里

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