雅思考官作文是如何被我们拉低成5分的？

在豆瓣做了一个小实验，让烤鸭们来给一篇匿名的作文打分，不少人打出了5分的低分，可是这是一篇考官范文啊，杠杠的9分。考官作文被烤鸭评成5分反应出一个现实，很多烤鸭在写作上已经进入了一个误区：犯了议论文写作方面的方向性错误，错误已经严重到分不清美丑的地步了。

现在分析一下这篇文章

题目：Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

People have different views about the funding of creative artists. While some people disagree with the idea of government support for artists, I believe that money for art projects should come from both governments and other sources.

第一句：背景句，起引入话题的作用。

第二句：首先用让步状语从句改写题目，在主句中表明了自己的观点。

并不是说用了while…I believe…之类议论文常用的词汇就成了模板，这是议论文的常用表达法。

Some art projects definitely require help from the state. In the UK, there are many works of art in public spaces, such as streets or squares in city centres. In Liverpool, for example, there are several new statues and sculptures in the docks area of the city, which has been redeveloped recently. These artworks represent culture, heritage and history. They serve to educate people about the city, and act as landmarks or talking points for visitors and tourists. Governments and local councils should pay creative artists to produce this kind of art, because without their funding our cities would be much less interesting and attractive.

第一句：本段的中心句，在议论文写作中，一个段落只能有一个中心句，且段内的所有论述都是为证明中心句而服务的，不能与中心句产生冲突。我个人在写作时，段内让步句都不会写的。

本段采用的论证方法是“摆事实，讲道理”，也可以说是事实论证和道理论证。从“In the UK”开始到“which has been redeveloped recently”是事实论证；其余部分是道理论证。

这种论证方法是比较难的，在摆事实的时候，不能出现多余信息，就本文来讲，每一句都要出现与art projects相关的词汇，且不能出现其他无关信息。在讲道理的时候，最终落脚点必须是art projects对政府的好处，这样才能得出政府要买单的结论。

有些烤鸭可能会问，你说的那些什么“摆事实，讲道理”中学语文老师也讲过，可我考的是雅思，不是语文。其实，不管是中文也好，英文也罢，只要文体是议论文，就得遵守议论文的写作方式，英文和中文只是写作语言而已，而“语言是思维的物质外壳”，仅仅外壳不同，思维方式完全可以相同。

这里还涉及到另一个问题，那就是很多人喜欢掉在嘴边“西方人的思维”，确实，西方人的想法与中国人有很多不同，但就议论文写作这一块，实在是大同小异。也就是说，假如列位用雅思作文题作中文作文一篇，若在写作前没有接受过议论文写作的训练，在中学语文老师那里，还是不合格，不合格的原因显然不是中文水平不够，而是议论文写作水平不合格。当然现在雅思考生遇到的是英文水平不高和议论文写作水平不高的双重问题。

有些学生提出来说，“In Liverpool, for example, there are several new statues and sculptures in the docks area of the city, which has been redeveloped recently.”句中的has been应该是have been，我想潜在的意思是which指代的是“several new statues and sculptures”。错，which这个关系代词是近指，不是远指，指代的是句中的the docks area (of the city)。同理，“In the October of 1976, the Political Bureau of the CPC Central Committee took decisive measures to shatter the Gang of Four, in which Hua Guofeng, Ye Jianying, Li Xiannian played an important role.”这句话与历史不符，因为which应该近指the Gang of Four，而作者在写作时远指到了政治局。这句句子是从《中式英语之鉴》这本书中摘录下来的，但略做改编，在216页。

On the other hand, I can understand the arguments against government funding for art. The main reason for this view is that governments have more important concerns. For example, state budgets need to be spent on education, healthcare, infrastructure and security, among other areas. These public services are vital for a country to function properly, whereas the work of creative artists, even in public places, is a luxury. Another reason for this opinion is that artists do a job like any other professional, and they should therefore earn their own money by selling their work.

这段话是本篇文章的败笔，本段理论上应该阐述为何资金要从其他地方来，而simon可能没看清题意，把原题理解成 should or should not governments give financial support to creative artists？simon在之后的博文也作出更正。

更正申明