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【考官范文】Simon老师9分雅思范文 带你考高分带你飞

2016年01月18日11:23 来源:小站整理
参与(273) 阅读(35648)
摘要:雅思考官Simon应该大多数备考过一段时间的雅思考生都有所耳闻。他的雅思大小作文范文是受坊间追捧的必备写作资料,但是即使是在如此的高能辅助下,为何众人的雅思写作分数一直还是低分飘过呢?

很多的备考雅思的考生都在学习Simon的范文,他的范文走的是完全的平民路线,看其遣词造句,貌似平平,其实是大有丘壑,有我们这些为了雅思写作7分都在苦苦求索的人所不具有的用最精简的用词,最少的篇幅讲明白一个观点的大能力。他的范文经常是雅思写作的老师推荐的材料。

经典合集:剑桥雅思3-11写作范文汇总传送

【考官范文】Simon老师9分雅思范文 带你考高分带你飞图1

经典推荐考官级口语写作9分范文资料超级大汇总(史无前例数百篇)

但是,很多同学反应,背了很多范文,甚至还模仿了很多篇,仍然没有效果,为什么?

原因是,考官不是non-native speaker, 他们不了解你们的最大问题 是“ 逻辑”+“ 词组”

这一点从Simon对于这篇9分范文的分析就可以看出:

Topic:In some countries, many more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

sample essay:In recent years it has become far more normal for people to live alone, particularly in large cities in the developed world. In my opinion, this trend is having both positive and negative consequences in equal measure.

The rise in one-person households can be seen as positive for both personal and broader economic reasons. On an individual level, people who choose to live alone may become more independent and self-reliant than those who live with family members. A young adult who lives alone, for example, will need to learn to cook, clean, pay bills and manage his or her budget, all of which are valuable life skills. From an economic perspective, the trend towards living alone will result in greater demand for housing. This is likely to benefit the construction industry, estate agents and a whole host of other companies that rely on homeowners to buy their products or services.

However, the personal and economic arguments given above can be considered from the opposite angle. Firstly, rather than the positive feeling of increased independence, people who live alone may experience feelings of loneliness, isolation and worry. They miss out on the emotional support and daily conversation that family or flatmates can provide, and they must bear the weight of all household bills and responsibilities; in this sense, perhaps the trend towards living alone is a negative one. Secondly, from the financial point of view, a rise in demand for housing is likely to push up property prices and rents. While this may benefit some businesses, the general population, including those who live alone, will be faced with rising living costs.

In conclusion, the increase in one-person households will have both beneficial and detrimental effects on individuals and on the economy.

Simon 自己对于范文的分析: Band 9

Coherence and cohesion

Ideas are presented in a logical and organised way.

Cohesive devices (linking) are used in an effective but subtle way - they help with the development of ideas, but do not overshadow those ideas.

你能看出上面分析的问题吗?我们只看下面的句子

“ ideas are presented in a logical and organised way”

请问,哪一个句子叫做 ” organizsed in a logical way”?怎么样写就不logical?你可以回答这个问题吗?

【考官范文】Simon老师9分雅思范文 带你考高分带你飞图2

Simon材料唯一的缺陷就是,不具体,没有把“ logical way” 在文中的具体体现,举例子说明。这样对于non-native speaker 来说,是很难理解的。

下面是我对于logical 的分析:

第二个段落的 Topic sentence:

包括了该段落两个分论点的概括: personal and broader economic reasons

第二个段落的第二个句子:用abc 词组论证论点:

( Simon 只给出了2个词组,我一般会给出3个)

People who choose to live alone may become more independent and self-reliant than those who live with family members.

a: live alone

b: more independent and self-reliant

a动作发生,然后才有b动作发生

这样的时间顺序,叫做“ logical way”

用例子来论证abc词组:

A young adult who lives alone, for example, will need to learn to cook, clean, pay bills and manage his or her budget, all of which are valuable life skills.

例子中的abc都是上面论点中abc的具体体现

a: live alone = a young adult who lives alone ( 将人物具体化)

b: independent=learn to cook, clean, pay bills and mange budget ( 将独立做的事情具体化)

这样解释以后,你有没有对” logical way” 有了更“具体” 的认识?

所以, 你现在知道为什么简单的背诵范文不能提高写作了吗?希望小站这里跟大家分享的内容能对大家有所启发!

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