拯救低分段--6分段雅思作文范文详细点评

2016年03月04日14:31 来源：小站整理

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题目：

Some people say job satisfaction is more important than job security, while others believe that having a permanent job is better than enjoying the job. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

You should write at least 250 words.

解析：

本题问到底该选择什么工作，到底是自己感兴趣的工作重要，还是稳定的工作重要?与其他很多话题一样，这里的讨论可以复杂，也可以简单;可以深刻化，也可以生活化。比如，有人认为，应该选择自己感兴趣的工作，因为这样才能实现人生的价值，从工作中寻找到成就感和满足感;而选择稳定的工作则可以有助于社会的稳定，有助于家庭的和睦。老雅本次想为低分段同学提供一个范文，看6分段作文究竟可以把一个话题简单化到什么程度。

老雅一贯的观点是：对于6分段作文，思想是其次的，清晰是最重要的。如何做到清晰表达?最关键的是要想得简单，想得直接，想得具体;杜绝深刻，杜绝兜圈，杜绝抽象。对于低分段同学来说，这种写作策略明显更容易实现自己的6分梦想。

唐老雅6分范文(低分段同学必须模仿!)

Everybody has to work. The question is: which is more important in work, the job security or the job satisfaction? Some people think the job security is more important than job satisfaction, but others believe the opposite. In my view, both job security and satisfaction are important.

老雅点评：本段为开头段，首先提出话题，其次重述话题，再次提出自己观点。

We all need a secure job. If we have a stable job, we can make a lot of money. Then we can buy big houses and expensive cars, and can travel all around the world. This will make our life more wonderful. If we have a stable job, we will not have to worry about losing our job. So we do not have to spend time looking for jobs. This means we can have more time to stay together with our family.

老雅点评：本段论述“job security"的重要性。提出两个理由：1)如果有稳定工作，我们可以挣到很多钱。如何论述这个分论点呢?老雅提出的”自然接续法“可以发挥作用。挣到钱后我们可以买房子和车，可以到世界旅游，这样我们的生活就丰富多彩了。2) 如果有稳定工作，我们就不必担心失去工作。自然接续下去，不担心失去工作，就不必要花时间去找工作，结果呢，我们就有时间陪伴家人了。这样，用”自然接续法“，两个理由都得到了一定的论述，层次非常清楚，一句句写来，明白无误。

However, it is also important to have an interesting job. If we have an interesting job, we can do our job well. Then we can get happiness from our job. If we are not interested in what we do, we can never succeed no matter how stable our job is. My uncle James is a good example. He is a middle school teacher, which is a very stable job. However, he is not really interested in teaching. As a result, he is not very successful even at his fifties.

老雅点评：本段论述 "job satisfaction"的重要性。提出一点理由：如果有自己感兴趣的工作，我们就能做好工作。自然接续下去，做好工作，我们就能从工作中得到幸福。反过来，如果对自己从事的工作不感兴趣，我们就不能成功。接下来，举例论证。我有一位叔叔在中学当老师，工作是稳定了，但他对教学不感兴趣，结果到50多岁还是不成功。这里使用的还是非常简单直接的论述方法。

In conclusion, I think it is the best that we have a secure and satisfying job, because this kind of job helps us to make our living and have time to stay together with our family, and at the same time succeed in our career. I wish everybody could get such a job. (271 words)

老雅点评：结论段，首先重申自己的观点，并将前文的观点重新表述一下，最后提出自己的期待，结束全文。

总体评价：本文避免了讲大道理，避免了抽象，做到了简单而清晰，直接而晓畅。虽然思维稍显幼稚，语言也有不少重复生硬的地方，但把自己的思想说清楚了，因此很容易得到6分。如果英文水平不高的学生，试图很深刻地去写这个题目，语言千疮百孔，逻辑混乱不堪，即使用出了几个大词，其结果仍然是4分。低分段学生，一定要掌握正确的思维方法和写作方法，不要误信外面所谓写作名师的机经，什么用大词，用复杂句，写深刻一些，这些虽然不错，但真的不适合你。低分段同学不可不慎!

请自行比较学生的一篇习作，它看起来词汇用得大，思想好像也深刻一些，但它的得分只有3.5。

Most of the young people on job satisfaction have become an integral part of looking for a job. Their main argument is based on this idea; the work is the ultimate goal is to help achieve a better life. But recent research shows, the boredom in the workplace, hostility, pressure and depression can be lead to physical and mental illness, destroy our happy life.

This attitude is another group of older people’s criticism; they think must attach great importance to the safety of work. First of all, they point out that this work is only a part of life, so disappointment will not stand in the way of life. In addition, a good life is depends on the table of food and pocket the cash. In this sense, work safety means to get rid of the concerns to the basic needs to really enjoy life.

Therefore, I think whether it is good or bad, it will adhere to a lifetime of work, if they are able to adjust their career path according to the social and economic conditions, it will be better, because it will make them easier to adapt to change. It is inevitable.

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