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雅思写作考官范文精致解读

2016年12月30日15:36 来源:互联网
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摘要:优秀的英文段落结构就像“瀑布“一样,往细化的方向不断的展开,可以采取分组,解释等方法,先明确的给出”对于问题回答的中心句,即先写中心句,然后进行进一步展开的倒过来的细化展开的方式,而具有讽刺的是,中国学生的答案往往在段落的中间就开始不断的上升话题,从而产生很大的跳跃

题目:As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual well-being. What factors contribute to job satisfaction?How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

雅思写作考官范文精致解读图1

题干分析:本题是相对抽象的社会生活类话题,对于中学生以及没有上过班的大学生同学们有一定话题上的陌生感。但是即使是上班的“同志们”就一定觉得题目容易展开吗?是的,中国人的答案在面对这个题目的时候是惊人的相似,可以预见,大家的答案往往是:money, power, promotion。这些对于工作满意度的factors的回答本身是没有问题的,但是难点在于不要忽视了去解释和补充我们“为什么把这些元素”看的比较重的原因。回答的内容本身并不重要,但重要的是如何解释清楚。

Nowadays many adults (直接用adults 是细化思维的体现,不要只是写people,使句子更贴话题) have full-time jobs and the proportion of their lives spent doing such jobs is very high. (首句不要写太长的背景,要从第一句话就开始描述这个话题,而不是“with the development of society and economy , there is a hotly-debated topic about whether or not …这样的套话,是注定让你丢分的,接下来将变成一个考官验证5分或者5.5分的过程。那为什么不能写模板呢?这样的句子本身的质量不是很好?威廉老师告诉你,是因为背景写的太大,紧接着就跳入非常具体的话题,这样严重破坏了作文的CC(连贯性)这一评分标准)。 So feelings about one’s job must reflect how an individual feels about his or her life as a whole, and because of this, job satisfaction is indeed very important for the wellbeing of that person. (顺接的很自然)高手应该做到让段落的内容的话题的范文不要太宽,要尽量克制写很多内容的冲动。你有没有发现,当你从第一句就开始写这个话题,从写成年人的工作对于成年人很重要的前提下,自然就过渡到了“工作满意度“的话题,因为话题窄,所以很容易构成有逻辑)。

Employees get job satisfaction in a number of ways.(罗列式中心句,就表明接下来会有几个具体的方面需要具体展开) Firstly, a person needs to feel that they are doing valued and valuable work, so positive feedback from superiors is very important in this respect. A sense of fulfillment is also(also 体现递进,内在的逻辑) encouraged if a worker feels the job is worth doing because it contributes to the society or the economy as a whole. (先接结果后写原因是高分作文特征之一,这样能有效避免观点跳跃)Secondly, when someone feels they are improving or developing their skills through training opportunities,(很细节,并且符合逻辑的观点,也许没有工作经验的同学不能够想到) for example, then there is a sense of progression and purpose that rewards a worker. The sense of belonging to a team or a working community also(递进词,体现内在的逻辑) contributes to job satisfaction because colleagues help each other to enjoy their working lives.(先写结果,后写原因是高分作文的特征之一)Satisfaction is also increased by a sense of responsibility for and loyalty to a team.

该段落使用罗列式中心句,并且细化思维做的很好。在一个段落中就出现了:“valued and valuable work,positive feedback from superiors,A sense of fulfillment,contributes to the society or the economy,improving or developing their skills,training opportunities,a sense of progression and purpose,sense of belonging to a team or a working community,colleagues help each other,a sense of responsibility for and loyalty to a team 这样的10个对于factors 的具体回答,并且能够有效的能将这些细节名词进行有逻辑的串联的确是高分的作文的体现)所以观点本身并不是最关键的因素,比如中国人通常所认为的:A reasonable income is quite an important contributing factor because some basic survival necessities are highly prices such as housing, cars and dressings and the social welfare system is not fully accomplished. 只要解释充分,话题的答案本身就不是最重要的了。)

Of course not everyone enjoys their work. (直接式的中心句,直接对于第二个问题给予回答) Hard economic realities mean that many people have little choice in the kind of job they can get. (进一步解释)In some cases an employee is working in a job that suits neither their skills nor their personality.(分类解释)Some jobs are repetitive and boring,and labor relations may be poor and lead to resentment and insecurity rather than to job satisfaction. (进一步的细化思维)

优秀的英文段落结构就像“瀑布“一样,往细化的方向不断的展开,可以采取分组,解释等方法,先明确的给出”对于问题回答的中心句,即先写中心句,然后进行进一步展开的倒过来的细化展开的方式,而具有讽刺的是,中国学生的答案往往在段落的中间就开始不断的上升话题,从而产生很大的跳跃,习惯于用:which will contribute to …//Ving 上升主题,最终达到联系到了“推动经济发展,维护社会和谐”的最终主题( drive the economic development and maintain social harmony),殊不知,这样严重破坏了句子和句子之间的逻辑和连贯度。

However, even though it is unlikely that all workers do feel happy in their work, I think it is not unrealistic to promote more job satisfaction in any job.(典型的批判性思维的让步句型,有承上启下的作用。是8分作文最重要的特征之一,从而使句子衔接变得特别到位) If the factors identified above are implemented, then any job can be improved and more workers can feel greater degrees of job satisfaction. (批判性思维)。

总体点评:这是篇题目本身非常抽象的题目,经过作者的细化思维的一步步展开,让我们对于“工作满意度”这一抽象问题有的较为具体的认识,但更重要的是作者将每一个要展开的分论点都进一步的解释和分析是得到高分最重要的原因。另外最后一段(even though, it is not unrealistic 这样的批判性思维能极大的提高CC连贯度)。

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