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剑桥雅思大作文考官范文评析--这样的9分范文,你不可模仿!

2017年05月19日15:35 来源:小站整理
参与(2) 阅读(585)
摘要:对于网络上流传的不少雅思写作9分范文,其中一部分确实是考官之作,是货真价实的满分作文,很多烤鸭都对这中范文趋之若鹜,视之为提升写作水平的圣经,但是,如何辩证的看待这些美到没朋友的范文,却是相当严肃的一个问题。

剑桥雅思真题9第一套题大作文题目:Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.

Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

剑雅3-11写作9分范文汇总传送

剑桥雅思大作文考官范文评析--这样的9分范文,你不可模仿!图1

经典传送门:前考官simon 9分写作范文共28篇大赏

题目解析

本题问:孩子什么时候开始学外语好,是小学还是中学?有专家说了,应该从小学就开始学外语,你觉得这样做的好处大于坏处吗?【本题审题没有什么问题吧?题目没有什么大词,都能看懂,问题也是一目了然:从小学开始学英语的好处和坏处进行一下比较,然后看好处多还是坏处多?】

那么怎么来思考这个问题呢?小学生学外语,首先是功课不多,有更多时间,记忆好,学得快【物质层次】,其次是小学生正在学语言,对语言有兴趣,不排斥学外语【心理层次】,再次就是从小学外语,掌握外国文化,更容易培养开放的视野【社会层面】。那么,小学学外语,有哪些问题呢?首先是可能小学外语教师水平不行【物质层次】,老师教不好,可能引发孩子失去兴趣【心理层面】,甚至对外国文化产生误解和排斥【社会层面】。两相比较,还是应该同意小学就学外语,因为其优势巨大,劣势(比如教师水平问题)则可通过其他办法来弥补。

当然,本题你也可以反论,比如赞同中学开始学外语。这种理论就应把重点放在小学时学外语会产生的问题方面,比如:(1)教师短缺,教不好;(2)剥夺了小孩阅读的时间;(3)小孩的理解力还不够,等。

五段式范文评析

好,以下是官方提供的高分范文,逐段分析,给各位烤鸭看看,到底雅思高分作文长什么模样?

1.Traditionally, children have begun studying foreign languages at secondary school, butintroducing them earlier is recommended by some educationalists. This policy has been adopted by some educational authorities or individual schools, with both positive and negative outcomes.

点评

大家发现没有,考官范文的开头与你的作文开头有不同吗?你写的开头可能是这样的:

Nowadays, the topic about when children should begin learning a foreign language has been discussed. Some experts say they should begin at primary school. In my opinion, this has more advantages than disadvantages.

这样的开头是中规中矩,但是具有模板特征,很难取得高分。再看考官范文,先一个traditionally副词开头,引出常规的情况,然后用introducing一个动名词短语引出专家的观点。转瞬间,就用了“副词置于句首”,“动名词短语做主语”两种句型变化方式。另外,本段用educationalists替代题目中的experts;最后的with both positive and negative outcomes是介词短语置于句末,也是句型变化之一例。句型灵活就体现在这些看似波澜不惊的地方。

2.The obvious argument in its favour is that young children pick up languages much more easily than teenagers. Their brains are still programmed to acquire their mother tongue, which facilitates learning another language, and unlike adolescents, they are not inhibited by self-consciousness.

点评

本段讲小学学外语的好处之一:比中学生学得快,这显然属于物质层次的内容。接下来的论证逻辑是:小孩正在学习母语的程序中,因此有助于学外语,然后用一个unlike与其对立面中学生学外语比较,说明小孩学外语时还不会被难为情所阻挠,言下之意就是中学学外语,学生可能因为难为情而学不好外语。本段的意思其实很简单,但考官范文是高度浓缩,句型简练,用词大而精当,一般烤鸭难以模仿。比如:

Their brains are programmed to acquire their mother tongue = Their brains are prepared to learn a language

faciliate = make it easier

adolescents 是用来替换teenagers, secondary school students的

inhibit: prevent 阻挠

self-consciousness: shyness

一般烤鸭绝对达不到正确使用这些词汇的水平,那么是不是就此绝望,认为自己永远也取不到高分呢?不见得。试着保持内容的前提下改写一下,更利于烤鸭模仿:

The obvious argument in its favour is that young children learn languages much more easily than teenagers. Having just begun to learn their mother tongue, children will more likely find that learning a language is interesting. Meanwhile, unlike those secondary school students, children are usually too young to feel shy, which makes it easier for them to learn a foreign language.

这个改写的得分会比官方范文低一档次,但也是7分的模样!

3.The greater flexibility of the primary timetable allows for more frequent, shorter sessionsand for a play-centred approach, thus maintaining learners’ enthusiasm and progress. Their command of the language in later life will benefit from this early exposure, while learning other languages subsequently will be easier for them. They may also gain a better understanding of other cultures.

点评

本段讲小孩学外语的另一个好处:时间多,灵活,可用游戏的方法学,从而确保兴趣和进步。同时还谈到其他的好处,比如小的时候学好一门外语,以后学其他外语更容易,同时也更能理解其他的文化。本段同时讲了几个好处,从层次上讲,多属于心理和社会层次的内容。这里告诉我们:在一段里,可以集中论述某个观点的一个好处,但也可以同时论述某观点的几个好处,这得根据你自己的论述需要,没有绝对的标准。

同样,本段内容很简单,但在表达上很不“友好”,让部分烤鸭看了头疼:我特么看都看不懂,还要我照这样写,不是要我小命么?其实,不用着急,模仿以下改写即可:

Comparatively, children have more time and their timeable is more flexible, so it is possible to give them more frequent, yet shorter foreign languages classes and include more language games. This is very beneficial to keep their interest to make sure they make progress. Once they have learnt a foreign language at a young age, they will find it easier to learn other languages when they grow up, so they can gain a better understanding of many different cultures.

这是7分的感觉,是不是“友好”多了?,与考官范文想比,显然更适合绝大多数烤鸭来模仿!说实话,对多少烤鸭来说,让他来模仿这样的考官范文,效果可能适得其反!

4.There are, however, some disadvantages. Primary school teachers are generalists, and may not have the necessary language skills themselves. If specialists have to be brought in to deliver these sessions, the flexibility referred to above is diminished. If primary language teaching is not standardised, secondary schools could be faced with a great variety of levels in different languages within their intake, resulting in a classroom experience which undoes the earlier gains. There is no advantage if enthusiastic primary pupils become demotivated as soon as they change schools. However, these issues can be addressed strategically within the policy adopted.

点评

本段讲坏处了。小学老师水平不高,如果请外面的专家去讲课,那么前面谈到的时间灵活方面的优势就没有了。另外,如果小学语言教学不统一,到了中学,学生的水平就会参差不齐,这样势必造成很多学生失去学外语的动力。然而,这些问题可以采取措施来得到解决。

5.Anything which encourages language learning benefits society culturally and economically, and early exposure to language learning contributes to this. Young children’s innate abilities should be harnessed to make these benefits more achievable.

点评

本段为结尾,总结前文,提出观点。鼓励语言学习对经济和文化都用好处,因此,应该早学语言。小孩学习语言的天分应该好好利用。改写如下:

Anything which helps language learning benefits society culturally and economically, so the younger age a child learns a foreign language, the better. Young children should make the best use of their advantages to acquire a foreign language before they go to the secondary school.

读了这范文,或者听别人分析了这范文,如果你得出如下雅思作文高分的所谓技巧:(1)使劲用大词;(2)使劲写长句;(3)使劲写抽象的道理。

吊诡的是,这篇考官范文,的确体现了以上三个特点。

但是:对99%的烤鸭而言,如果你尝试按照以上三点去写雅思作文,你的结局会非常悲惨!因为,你不是考官,你没有他的语言水平,你去东施效颦,结果就是满脸胭脂,厚薄不均,不仅没让自己变美,反而成为一个不受人待见的丑八怪!

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