【9分作文盛宴】考官华丽雅思小作文详解8：柱状图

2015年08月18日10:54 来源：小站教育作者：Phoebe: 参与（0）阅读（18447）

摘要：Simon是英国曼彻斯特的前雅思考官，由于创办雅思考试学习网站而在全世界的考生中越来越有名气，尤其是他亲笔写下的那些满分作文。今天小站的Phoebe老师又帮大家带来一篇Simon的小作文的详细解析，是为一篇柱状图，详情请见文章。

Simon是英国曼彻斯特的前雅思考官，由于创办雅思考试学习网站而在全世界的考生中越来越有名气。其网站上提供大量关于复习雅思的技巧以及颠覆性的建议，甚至还有不少Simon本人亲笔写的满分作文。这些满分作文由于出自英国考官之手，非常地道，言简意赅，和中国考生惯用的千篇一律的模板作文相比，着实让人眼前一亮。小站的Phoebe老师深感有义务要让孩子们接触到真正可以提分的好作文，所以以后会频繁地帮大家整理并总结这些满分作文的精华，相信大家都可以扔掉模板，写出高分作文!

今天我们来看一篇小作文，题目是：

The chart below shows numbers of incidents and injuries per 100 million passenger miles travelled (PMT) by transportation type in 2002.

在写之前，我们今天重点讲一下如何写introduction段。相信大家都知道，小作文第一段的写法就是改写题目。改写题目有何技巧呢?我们来看Simon给大家的示例，原题如下：

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

经过在某些地方做一些小的变化，Simon将题目改写成：

The line graph compares the percentage of people aged 65 or more in three countries over a period of 100 years.

大家可以看出，替换的部分有graph=line graph, show=compares, proportion=percentage, between…and=over a period of

那么除此之外，Simon给大家展示了一组常见又好用的同义替换词组：

� graph = line graph

� trends in = changes in

� US consumption = consumption in the United States

� chart = flow chart (also: bar chart, pie chart, table)

� the process of paper recycling = how paper is recycled

� the diagram = the figure

� shows = illustrates

� to produce forecasts = to forecast

� shows = compares

� the total number = the overall number

� various mobile phone features = different functions of mobile phones

� maps show = diagrams illustrate

� an island before and after = some changes to an island

Simon说，只要大家平时多注意积累同义词，那么小作文的第一段就可以写得又快又好。

完整范文：

The bar chart compares the number of incidents and injuries for every 100 million passenger miles travelled on five different types of public transport in 2002.

It is clear that the most incidents and injuries took place on demand-response vehicles. By contrast, commuter rail services recorded by far the lowest figures.

A total of 225 incidents and 173 injuries, per 100 million passenger miles travelled, took place on demand-response transport services. These figures were nearly three times as high as those for the second highest category, bus services. There were 76 incidents and 66 people were injured on buses.

Rail services experienced fewer problems. The number of incidents on light rail trains equalled the figure recorded for buses, but there were significantly fewer injuries, at only 39. Heavy rail services saw lower numbers of such events than light rail services, but commuter rail passengers were even less likely to experience problems. In fact, only 20 incidents and 17 injuries occurred on commuter trains.

(165 words, band 9)

词汇总结：

commuter: 通勤者;commuter rail意为通勤火车

vehicles: 交通工具，车辆，也常见于阅读中

significantly: 显著地，属小作文必背词汇

category: 种类，常和type, kind替换

今天先到这儿，下期见！需要更多写作技巧的点击这里！

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