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Simon满分小作文详解4【雅思考官Simon满分作文传送门系列】


Simon是英国曼彻斯特的前雅思考官,由于创办雅思考试学习网站而在全世界的考生中越来越有名气。其网站上提供大量关于复习雅思的技巧以及颠覆性的建议,甚至还有不少Simon本人亲笔写的满分作文。这些满分作文由于出自英国考官之手,非常地道,言简意赅,和中国考生惯用的千篇一律的模板作文相比,着实让人眼前一亮。小站的Phoebe老师深感有义务要让孩子们接触到真正可以提分的好作文,所以以后会频繁地帮大家整理并总结这些满分作文的精华,相信大家都可以扔掉模板,写出高分作文!

今天我们来讲解一篇小作文。先来看一下题目:

The table below shows changes in the numbers of residents cycling to work in different areas of the UK between 2001 and 2011.

Students often find it difficult to describe tables with lots of numbers.

The table below contains 36 numbers. We can't describe all of them, so which ones should we choose? How many numbers do we need to include?

同学们经常觉得很难描述带有很多数字的Table图。比如上面这道题,里面有36个数字,我们不可能把所有的数字都描述出来,那么我们应该选择描述哪些呢?我们需要包含多少个数字?

Here are my choices:

Introduction
Don't mention any numbers here.

Overview
Don't mention any numbers; just describe the main features / overall trend.

Paragraph 3
A description (and comparison) of the figures for Inner London and Outer London would probably be enough for this paragraph.

Paragraph 4
Maybe mention Brighton and Hove as the only area outside Inner London with a percentage change above 100%. We could also highlight Bristol as the second city in terms of cycling numbers. Finish with a general statement about the other areas (e.g. all below 10,000 residents cycling to work).

Simon的建议是:

Introduction:不要提任何数字

Overview:不要提任何数字,只是描述一下主要特征或整体趋势。

Paragraph 3:描述或比较一下伦敦地区和非伦敦地区的数据。

Paragraph 4:可以提一下Brighton and Hove,因为它是惟一在非伦敦地区里百分比变化超过100%的地区。我们也可以强调在骑车数量上Bristol是第二大城市。最后对其它地区做一个总体描述,如所有地区都少于10,000居民骑行上班。

如果大家看过之前的Simon小作文分析的话,会知道Simon的小作文总是写4个段落,分别是:

1. Introduction - paraphrase the question
2. Overview - describe 2 main or general things
3. Details
4. Details

现在咱们先不看Introduction和Overview,而是关注在两个Details段落,有的同学可能会问,为什么要写两个Details段落呢?Simon是这样回答的:The answer is that this encourages you to divide the information into 2 groups, and hopefully this means that your essay will be better organised and you'll make some useful comparisons. 他是说,鼓励大家把Details分成两个段落,你的作文会更加有条理有组织,而且还能对图中信息做些更有用的比较。小站老师也认为,将所有的信息集中在一个段落里会使文章结构看起来不成比例,所以强烈大家将Details写成两段。

现在帮大家贴出完整范文:

The table compares the numbers of people who cycled to work in twelve areas of the UK in the years 2001 and 2011.

Overall, the number of UK commuters who travelled to work by bicycle rose considerably over the 10-year period. Inner London had by far the highest number of cycling commuters in both years.

In 2001, well over 43 thousand residents of inner London commuted by bicycle, and this figure rose to more than 106 thousand in 2011, an increase of 144%. By contrast, although outer London had the second highest number of cycling commuters in each year, the percentage change, at only 45%, was the lowest of the twelve areas shown in the table.

Brighton and Hove saw the second biggest increase (109%) in the number of residents cycling to work, but Bristol was the UK’s second city in terms of total numbers of cycling commuters, with 8,108 in 2001 and 15,768 in 2011. Figures for the other eight areas were below the 10 thousand mark in both years.

(172 words, band 9)

词汇总结:

本文最值得总结的是,Simon写了大量的不同词组来替代the numbers of residents cycling to work",分别有

·     the numbers of people who cycled to work

·     the number of UK commuters who travelled to work by bicycle

·     the number of cycling commuters

·     ...residents commuted by bicycle

·     this figure

·     total numbers of cycling commuters

·     figures for

figure和number这两个单词在前面的小作文详解中有说过,这里就不再赘述。小站老师建议大家充分学习借鉴这些替换方法,将来也能灵活运用于自己的作文中。

今天先到这里,下期见!需要更多写作技巧的点击这里

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