【9分作文盛宴】考官华丽雅思大作文详解11：平等与个人成就

2015年08月20日14:44 来源：小站教育作者：Phoebe: 参与（1）阅读（8015）

摘要：Simon是英国曼彻斯特的前雅思考官，由于创办雅思考试学习网站而在全世界的考生中越来越有名气，尤其是他亲笔写下的那些满分作文。今天小站的Phoebe老师又帮大家带来一篇Simon的大作文的详细解析，关于平等与个人成就话题，关于观点的评述与表达题型。详情请见文章。

Simon是英国曼彻斯特的前雅思考官，由于创办雅思考试学习网站而在全世界的考生中越来越有名气。其网站上提供大量关于复习雅思的技巧以及颠覆性的建议，甚至还有不少Simon本人亲笔写的满分作文。这些满分作文由于出自英国考官之手，非常地道，言简意赅，和中国考生惯用的千篇一律的模板作文相比，着实让人眼前一亮。小站的Phoebe老师深感有义务要让孩子们接触到真正可以提分的好作文，所以以后会频繁地帮大家整理并总结这些满分作文的精华，相信大家都可以扔掉模板，写出高分作文！

今天带来一篇巨难的大作文，大家先看题目感受下：

In recent years, there has been growing interest in the relationship between equality and personal achievement. Some people believe that individuals can achieve more in egalitarian societies. Others believe that high levels of personal achievement are possible only if individuals are free to succeed or fail according to their individual merits.

What is your view of the relationship between equality and personal success?

从题目来看，篇幅长于普通大作文，内容上信息量大，关键词多，更难于理解。Simon说，这是一个学生发给他的问题，他也表示很难。还帮大家解释了题目中这个单词的释意: 'egalitarian' refers to the principle that people are equal, and deserve equal rights and opportunities. 可理解为平等主义。所以这属于关于平等话题的作文。对于这种超难的问题，Simon给了大家三个建议：

1. Have a strong opinion (e.g. I completely agree that people can achieve more in egalitarian societies.) You can ignore the other view.(你可以采取强硬的立场，如完全支持其中一方，然后可以忽略过反方观点)

2. Focus on the last line of the question (What is your view of...?). This line sums up the whole question very clearly. Just answer this question.(重点关注问题的最后一句，只要将问句回答出来就好了)

3. Use examples as the basis of your argument e.g. free university education ensures equality of opportunity, and therefore allows individuals to achieve more.(用实例作为论据，如免费高等教育保证了机会的平等，因为使得个人取得更大成就)

大家自己试着写一下这篇文章，再和Simon的范文做对比。Simon提醒大家，他不确定这是否是一篇雅思作文，可能是这位同学弄错了，但是，他的范文还是会对大家有帮助。

完整范文：

In my opinion, an egalitarian society is one in which everyone has the same rights and the same opportunities. I completely agree that people can achieve more in this kind of society.

Education is an important factor with regard to personal success in life. I believe that all children should have access to free schooling, and higher education should be either free or affordable for all those who chose to pursue a university degree. In a society without free schooling or affordable higher education, only children and young adults from wealthier families would have access to the best learning opportunities, and they would therefore be better prepared for the job market. This kind of inequality would ensure the success of some but harm the prospects of others.

I would argue that equal rights and opportunities are not in conflict with people’s freedom to succeed or fail. In other words, equality does not mean that people lose their motivation to succeed, or that they are not allowed to fail. On the contrary, I believe that most people would feel more motivated to work hard and reach their potential if they thought that they lived in a fair society. Those who did not make the same effort would know that they had wasted their opportunity. Inequality, on the other hand, would be more likely to demotivate people because they would know that the odds of success were stacked in favour of those from privileged backgrounds.

In conclusion, it seems to me that there is a positive relationship between equality and personal success.

(260 words)

词汇总结：

schooling: 学校教育，与之对应的是Parenting,家长教育

prospects: 前途

demotivate: 使失去动力。

odds: 机率，odd 奇怪的;奇数

privileged: 特权的

今天先到这儿，下期见！

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